I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
