Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You don't make any sense
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