my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
