There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
