I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
