OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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