She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
