I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
