Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
