2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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