he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty