This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
