the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
