Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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