Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
