When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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