Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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