i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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