Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think your dad took our porno
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
