girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
