apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.