so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
