I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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