So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
