The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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