i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
