Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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