I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
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I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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