Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
