I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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