I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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