I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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