You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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