i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
