Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
