I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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