I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
