i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
