Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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