I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
