if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
