Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
