I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
