just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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