We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
