if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
