we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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