Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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