I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
