ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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