When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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