It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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