I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let the clothes fall where they may.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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