He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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