smell my finger.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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