It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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