Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
